Be still for a second while I try and try to pin your flowers on
Can you carry my drink?
I have everything else, I can tie my tie all by myself
I’m getting tired, I’m forgetting why
– Apartment Story, The National
It’s funny that we use words like “being low” and “feeling down” to describe a state of depression or melancholy. My personal experience of melancholy is that it’s actually a lot more like an addiction and the melancholic state has, within it, a sub-topology of highs and lows.
One clear high comes during the initial onset. It’s a feeling of release – you let everything go in your life and drop into a daze of uncaring and lethargy. Because none of it fucking matters and we’re all just a random collection of atoms, right?
There are certain bands that can trigger that initial release for me and the one that triggers me most powerfully right now is the band The National. Every time I start to listen to them, I just want to drop everything in my life. It’s a nice escape but unfortunately that feeling and desire lingers after the music stops.
Given too much listening, I do become melancholy and I do care less about my work, become less active on weekends, etc. Despite the initial high, none of these are positive outcomes. So I need to wean myself back off the National in the next couple weeks and more generally to find more weekend activities – for some reason those have dropped off. It’s very alluring though.