I thought it would be cathartic.
Like the first time. “Well oh okay that’s clear enough” and then I move on. Closing one door to move forward in time, unburdened.
There was no other possibility. Simple.
But this time, there is no catharsis. Just branching complexity.
Something still feels unresolved. I don’t know what; probably because I don’t know what happened. Why. What I wanted. What I was thinking. What she was thinking. It wasn’t clear; it wasn’t clean.
It’s easy enough to get the future wrong. It feels weird not knowing exactly what happened in the past. So I sometimes wonder, sometimes revisit. A part of me is stuck in the past in that place. Or that time and place is stuck to me now – a ghost haunting the present.
What happens to unresolved things? Must they reach catharsis or can they fade peacefully over time? I’d like to move forward and waste less energy. I’m not going to beat this one by putting time, energy or thought into it – you can’t kill a ghost through conventional means.